How Edward Cullen Died
by Dramione Cullen
Summary: If anyone I knew had asked me a couple of months ago how I died. I would tell them about the illness and Carlisle saving me. But not now. This is a OneShot of how Edward 'died'. Set during New Moon. ExB Angst


**A.N This is just a one shot of Edwards feelings for Bella. Set during New Moon. This is set to a song that I feel suits Edward when he is leaving Bella. I do not own any material whatsoever. It belongs to Stephanie Meyer and Snow Patrol.**

A couple of months ago if somebody I knew well had asked me how I died I would have told them of my illness and Carlisle. But not now.........

It needed to be done. I couldn't put her in any more danger, from myself or any other vampire. Her Birthday party had confirmed my doubts that I was good enough for her. The break has to be clean and fast for her sake as well as mine.

I loved this girl, no woman, more than anything or anybody. She had made my dark world light and gave me meaning. I had to do this because I loved her. She could find someone to make her human and not a monster like me.

I'll sing it one last time for you  
Then we really have to go  
You've been the only thing that's right  
In all I've done

I kept my face cold and hard and set my eyes in an uncaring fashion. This needed to look real to her. She needs to believe I do not love her.

"Bella, we're leaving."

She took in a deep breath. Like she had been expecting this.

"Why now? Another year"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I kept my voice even. As realization hit her face I looked away for a second. I could not stand to see her like this.

And I can barely look at you  
But every single time I do  
I know we'll make it anywhere  
Away from here

If this had been any other time in any other place then we could have worked. If I wasn't a monster I could have made her happy. Monsters cannot be happy though.

"When you say _we_" she whispered, so low I struggled to hear it.

"I mean my family and myself." I said this slowly and plainly.

She was shaking her head back and forth. She was grasping what this meant.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you."

Oh how I wish you could Bella. I wish that we could live a happy and normal life. But we can't. I could tell looking at her that she wasn't going to give up without a fight. That is what I love about her. I know I need to make this brutal and harsh now. I need to break her heart.

Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you dear

"You can't Bella,Where we're going…It's not the right place for you."

Everything I was saying was a lie now. If this hadn't have been what was right for her then I would have stopped what I was doing and told her the truth. I would have told her how much I needed and wanted her.

"Where you are is the right place for me," she was making this hard. She wasn't letting go.

"I'm no good for you, Bella,"

"Don't be ridiculous." she sounded more urgent now. Trying to convince me.

"You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you,"

"What happened with Jasper that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," I agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected,"

Louder louder  
And we'll run for our lives  
I can hardly speak I understand  
Why you can't raise your voice to say

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay" the accusation in her voice made my long dead heart crack.

"As long as that was best for you," I argued quickly

"_No! _This is about my soul isn't it?" she questioned. Smart girl.

"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you it's yours already!"

I nearly sucked in uneeded air. Her soul was important and a part of me was angered that she would throw it away on me.

I looked at her before I decided that I would have to say the cruelest thing I could think of at that point. She would probably not believe me but it was a route I had to take.

I fixed my face into the cold, uncaring look I had worn previously.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." It was like a stab to the heart. Those untrue words rang out in the open air for a few seconds. As I looked at her face I could practically see the words sink in. I could tell looking at her that she believed the lies. Her face shut down and her eyes lost their spark. Those beautiful brown orbs I loved so much were empty.

To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbye  
I nearly do

If I could cry I would.I would shed tears for this sin that I was commiting. I would weep for Bella and our love. But I couldn't. Monsters don't cry.

"You…don't…want me?" she struggled to speak the words.

Her words and tone confirmed that she believed me. After the countless times I had professed my undying love for her. One lie. One sentence and she believed me.

My heart, which had come alive again since I met her, shattered. There was a deep pain in my chest. A stabbing pain. It was like a knife of sadness I felt as though I couldn't breath which was silly of course as I don't need air.

My resolve very nearly crumplied until I spotted her arm.

"No." How could I say these lies in such a calm and casual voice.

I knew why. She deserves better than me, she deserves somebody who can do things I can't like taker her out on sunny days, kiss her, hug her without worrying that she has been hurt somehow. She deserves someone who can give her children and grow old with her. Things I couldn't do.

I shrouded her in darkness. Hid her from the sun. I skulked in the shadows and I brooded. What kind of life can I offer her. I can't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. She is young and I am keeping her from her life.

It's selfish of me. Is this my purpose in life.

I should have known that this could never work. Im immortal and she is not. It was never going to be easy with us.

"Well, that changes things." she spoke at last.

"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way," How could she believe these lies.

"But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…_tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human,"

I'm a monster. A monster Bella.

"I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered painfully.

"Don't do this." she repeated.

You're not good for me, Bella." No she wasn't good for me. She was great. She kept me alive. She was my reason and being.

The problem was that Bella thought this was a fairytale and it wasn't. When I kissed her she didn't wake up from some deep sleep. We can't live happily ever after as much as I want us to.

Light up...

"If…that's what you want."

It wasn't. What I wanted was to hold her close and never let go. I wanted to kiss her until the sun came up. I wanted to marry her.

I didn't say anything though for fear of my voice betraying my face. I just nodded.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I requested.

She looked up into my eyes curiously. I could tell her the truth now. I could tell her it was all a lie and that I was sorry.

"Anything," she promised. As she said that I felt my mask slip. I knew she spotted it so I fixed it back on. She had caught a glimpse of the broken man I was inside.

Slower slower  
We don't have time for that  
All I want is to find an easier way  
To get out of our little heads

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid" It was more of an order than a request and one that she had better fufill.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" she just nodded. I had broken her.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I added

"He needs you. Take care of yourself for him.". She had better take care of herself.

"I will," she promised me. That was a small relief for me. To know that she would be ok. That she wouldn't put herself in danger and do something stupid like jump off a cliff.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," A promise I didn't want to keep.

"I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I could hear her heart pounding and was thankful for a second that I couldn't hear her thoughts. Her destroyed heart was bad enough.

"Don't worry. You're human your memory is no more that a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked.

"Well....I won't forget. But _my _kind…we're very easily distracted." I felt a ghost of a smile pass my was true we are easily distracted but nothing can make me forget my one true love.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

Her head shot brown locks bouncing around her shoulders.

"Alice isn't coming back," She questioned.

"She wanted to say goodbye," she had practically begged.

"But I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

The truth was that I never could go through with this if Alice was here as well. I would have crumpled.

"Goodbye, Bella." I choked out. I didn't want to say goodbye. I wanted to stay.

I made my feet begin to move.

"Wait" she shouted. Her hand reached out for me.

I walked over to her and held her in my arms for what would be the last time. I sniffed her hair gently trying to remember the smell of her. Taking in every last detail of her that I could. Gulping I placed a kiss on her head. Lingering for just one second. I wanted to kiss her soft lips but knew that doing that would be my undoing.

"Take care of yourself," Again this was an order.

And just like that I left my Angel.

I knew at that moment that I had truly become a monster.

Have heart my dear  
We're bound to be afraid  
Even if it's just for a few days  
Making up for all this mess

And just like that I died.

**A.N What do we think. Good? Bad? Let me know. Please R and R.**


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